Senior Year

A month into the kids senior year and we are still adjusting. It is probably more difficult for me than for him. He has a job that he has had for about 2 months then got his drivers license about 6 weeks ago and finally started school a month ago. I feel like I have whiplash from all the changes over the past two months.
The kids class schedule is down to only 4 classes, one on A days and 3 on B days. He is working 4 days a week and driving himself everywhere. Its so odd for me to not be the one to do drop off or pick up duty, its strange to not be the one who controls when and where we go some where. It's strange for him to call me in the afternoon bc he is home from school at 1130 on a regular day.
Where did the time go? When did he grow up? How do I stop this? Now the realistic questions that have been plaguing me for 2 months. How much independence do I give him? do I relax on my phone in rules, like he needs to call me when he arrives where he is going and then needs to check in throughout the event so I know that he is ok? What is an appropriate curfew? I honestly do not remember what my curfew was when I was his age. I thought that as he grew up things would get easier but they definitely feel more complicated.
I know that my fears have gotten stronger as he has gotten older, I am worried all the time that he is out on his own with friends. I know that he is growing up but I still think he needs to check in and I need to know what is going on in his life so that I could help if needed but more importantly so I am not thrown by surprise when / if something happens.
whiplash is so real at this age.

Out with Baseball and in with Drum line

A new year and a new hobby to throw himself into.

The monster has played baseball for the past two seasons but this year he has gotten involved with a drum line which will overlap with the baseball season for a month so he will not be playing baseball this year. I think he could do both but he is adamant that it will be too much for him. I am going to talk to him again about it and see if I can get him to see that he can do both. It will only be for a month and only two Saturday's have the possibility to be affected.

I am kind of sad that the baseball time of his life is over. I liked being a baseball mom. I am sure I will like being a drum line mom but it was nice having a sports activity to go to with the kid. I have always felt guilty that I was unable to get him into sports earlier in his life but working full time in positions that ended at 5PM more than a half hour away did not allow for me to get him to practice at 530 or 6. 

I know he in enjoying the drum line bc he has been very serious about getting there on time and dedicated to practicing and always comes out with a silly grin on his face. This weekend is his first show a couple hours away from home. I will be there with his grandmother cheering him on as always. I will even probably have on a baseball shirt bc that has the town name on it and his name, it will of course embarrass him but he will know that I am there to support him. 

His growing up is hard on me...

I have a harder time with milestones now that he is growing up than I did when he was younger. I do not want him to grow up I would keep him 5 forever if I could but alas growing up is what children do. This past weekend we cleaned out his shirts. Below is a picture of the two piles, I am happy to say the smaller of the two is the pile that I decided to save. I have a number of plastic bins in my garage saved with stuff from his different stages. I had 5 bins of clothes that he had out grown by the time he was two. I know a little obsessive, I just couldn't give everything away. When I moved into my current home 6 years ago my mother told me I had to thin out what I was saving bc I was over run with bins of stuff I wanted to save. I am afraid I might have to do that again in the near future bc really do I need to save a camp shirt from one camp he went to three years ago? Do I really need to save the poster he had in his room for a year? Do I really need to save his high chair? What about the toys he colored all on but he loved? I may have an issue but at least it's getting better...

See the donate pile is half the size of the keep pile.

We are officially 13!

So the monster made it to 13 which means so did I. Wow. I have very mixed emotions about this milestone. I am so proud of the person he is becoming and hope that the good in him continues to shine through and doesn't get bogged down with the teenage attitude and angst that I am sure is going to turn up a few notches in the coming years. But then I am sad bc he is really is growing up. I miss the days when I could suggest something fun for the two of us and he wouldn't think twice about doing something with me. We used to have game nights at home or movie nights or go somewhere together and it was fun, now he thinks doing those things with me is boring. I realize this is a part of growing up but I miss it.

For the past few years I have not thrown parties for the monster. He got to the point where the parties cost as much as the gifts he wanted me to buy and I couldn't afford to do both so at 10 I told him he would have to chose a party or an expensive gift, he has always chosen the gift. He hasn't asked for a party and I have offered to throw a party as his gift but he hasn't wanted that. This year not having something has been strangely difficult for me. It really wasn't possible to have a party since the weekend of his birthday his dad was in town and with that being so rare I didn't want to intrude on the weekend and this coming weekend he is going camping with friends. I feel like next weekend would be to late and it's his cousins birthday so I don't want to take away from her. As was pointed out when his father didn't want to give him to me on his actual birthday it's not about me it's about my son and his wishes but I still feel as if I should have done more to commemorate this birthday. Maybe I can do something better next year, for this year here are pictures from the cake he had with his dads family and the cake I had for him on his actual birthday.

The Monster and 4 of his 6 cousins, all helping him blow out the candles

The cake we had on his actual birthday. 

Workin' it

I have tried the chores thing with the child a couple of times but it hasn't stuck. The first time I made it overly complicated with this chart that showed how much he would make per chore if it was done on a certain day and how the money would go down each day afterward. I think he was 6, this left a bad taste in his mouth for chores. So then I started to write down his behavior and the things we did together or that I bought him on a calendar to show him just what he gets for being good and when he is helpful. Like taking out the trash or cleaning the bathroom sink or whatever else I could think of.
Well now he has decided he is going to clean the whole house in the hopes of making $25 a week cleaning. He has already cleaned the bathroom, including the toilet which was always a argument before. He cleaned the kitchen, including the stove which I wasn't going to ask to clean but he did. He says he is going to do the living room tomorrow and he will also do the laundry.
My first reaction was I really don't want to give him $25/week to clean when I have been doing it for free for years. Then I started to think wow $25 a week is cheaper than any cleaning service I could hire so maybe this will work out for both of us. I get the house cleaned and he gets to earn some money. And an added bonus he will learn how to clean up after himself so hopefully when he is an adult and on his own his will not live in a stereotypical messy bachelor pad.
Only time will tell how long this will last but while it lasts I will enjoy it :)

Why does it smell like beer in here?

BC I am drinking wine, sheesh! Can't a mom unwind? Evidently not. And with that one question I knew it was going to be a long night and I was right.

Last weekend I took a mini vacation with my boyfriend and two friends. Well the past two weeks my lovely teenager has been unbearable bc I didn't take him. I have plans to take him to the beach in Aug and have had these plans longer than the weekend plans with the boyfriend.

The child decided to lay into me bc I "always" do fun things when he isn't around. Well he isn't here am I supposed to sit around and do nothing? Two years ago when he was visiting his father I took an evening trip to Atlantic City for dinner, yes I went on a ride all the way to AC for dinner. I was back the same night, he would not have enjoyed the quick trip but yet he complains about it. Then last year I did go to Busch Gardens for a weekend without him and he is acting like I mooned the pope. Please let it be known that whenever I do something for myself I always make sure to do something for and or with him but it's never enough. I am so ready to scream.

I am at the point where I do not want to do anything with him the rest of the summer. We are supposed to go to an O's game where he gets to pick the section we sit in, and go to six flags for a day and go to the beach, plus I got him tickets to a concert he really wanted to go to and was looking at tickets for a second concert.

I realize he is bored and that is why he is lashing out but I try to find things to do with him and all he does is complain so I don't do anything and he complains about that. I cannot win with this child right now. When will this constant fight end?

To Pierce his ears or not to Pierce...

The child has been up my ass for the past couple of months to let him get his ears pierced. I don't really care either way. My only rule is that he is not allowed to gauge his ear (or anything else) while living in my house. I HATE that. He also asks when he is allowed to get a tattoo, which the answer is 18. I am not opposed to them, I have 2 and counting, but I will not sign off on one for him bc if he changes his mind he is stuck with it forever and I want that decision to be all his.

Well I didn't even consider talking to his father about this. Tonight we were sitting at the place to get the piercing and his dad calls. Well my child lies about where we are and I tell him not to lie. So now his father is livid that I didn't "consult him" bc "he is still the father." I was trying not to laugh directly at him and to not cause a scene at the place so I didn't really say anything back and then the ex hung up on me. I couldn't believe he did that so I called him back and asked if he really hung up on me. He did and pointed out that I would have been pissed if my child came home from his place with a major change. This is true and he has a point.

However the more I think about it the more pissed I get. Why should I consult with him? Where has he been the last 6 almost 7 years? Our custody agreement states that I get final say in all decisions so again I ask why should I consult with him? I really don't think ears pierced is all that big of a deal. If the kid doesn' t like it he can take the earrings out and the holes can close and the childs hair covers his ears most of the time so it wouldn't even be visible. Why does it matter?

Did the ex consider his son when he moved in with his mistress and didn't take any of the childs stuff to his apartment, didn't create a room for him at his no place, then when he decided it would be better to not see his son? Did he consider his son when he met a woman 4 states away online and moved there to be with her and three kids? Did he think of his son when that marriage imploded and he moved across country to live with his father? So why should I consider his feelings/opinions when he hasn't shown interest before?

I am sure I have not heard the last of this. It will be an interesting weekend. The ex is pissed and now the child is pissed bc his dad is upset and he doesn't have his ears pierced since I don't look old enough to be his mother I have to supply the place his birth certificate and my id.